Ever wondered how you can get your gloriously talented child to do something that needs to be done without having a complete meltdown when it's actually time to do it?
I have found a few ways to re-word what I say and it seems to help alleviate those meltdowns. This is not a panacea (one size fits all cure) but I think it might help some of you! Please let me know if these work for you and what else you have found that works.
(This particular segment of the blog will be update occasionaly with different wording translations.)
Neurotypical speech:
"In a half an hour, I want you to do such and such."
What should probably be said:
"It's now 1:15. At 1:45, I want you to do such and such."
I've personally experimented with this change of wording with my beautiful 11 year old Aspie daughter. It seems to work well. Keep in mind that if your child does not do what you said exactly at 1:45, he will within about 5 minutes from that time.
What re-wording have YOU found helpful?
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Schilling for a Book and Advice
Step right up! Buy a book! Just kidding!
I simply wanted to draw your attention to something: books relevant to our subject matter. For now, I've only read a few. Some I've found helpful, some not. I realize not all of us are avid readers. Some of us are bibliophobes - afraid of books. If that's the case, relax. I will probably read enough for all of us. And, please, by all means, if you've read a book that you think has been helpful in your journey with Aspergers, tell us about it here. I'd love to know!
The book I've read that's foremost in my mind right now is "The Best Kind of Different" by Shonda Schilling. Her husband Curt wrote the introduction. Although I find the book bunny-trailing quite a bit, Shonda has some very valid points. Even Curt, in the introduction, brought up something that resonated with me. He said, after finding out about his son having Aspergers, "...countless visions from eight years of chastising, punishing, yelling, and some spanking popped ino my head. I was overcome with an immediate and overwhelming sense of guilt..."
Yes, Curt, I completely understand. And my child is even older! She'll be 12 this summer! All the times I yelled at her, lost my patience, wondered if she would EVER be respectful and obedient to her parents came back to haunt my thoughts as I realized not only was I not understanding her, she certainly was not understanding me! Now, I know why but that doesn't mean I always 'get it' or get her or get me!
Shonda touches on going to the meeting where the professionals finally told her what exactly was 'different' about her child. (I'm assuming it was the school district's psychologist, occupational therapist, speech pathologist, and special education director, like it was for me.) She mentions that friends had offered to go with her for support since Curt was out of town with the baseball team and how she had politely declined, thinking she was prepared. Oh, how I can relate!
My own husband was supposed to go with me to attend the meeting for our own child. About 24 hours before the meeting he informs me that he will be unable to go with me. Great. Yet another thing I get to do (on.my.own.) as Mom. "Okay," I think to myself,"I'll take notes and talk to him about it later."
Let me just tell you that I was SO unprepared for how the emotion would hit me later. I should have taken a friend with me! Shonda talks about it hitting her while she's in the meeting. My own emotional overload hit much later. It was a mixture of angst, relief, confusion, rebellion, and probably a slew of other emotions. Even though I had planned to do some schooling with the kids that afternoon, I couldn't. I was too wrought with emotion. So I was glad to read that someone else had a similar experience to mine!
Have you been there yet?
If you've yet to go to that meeting, but it is scheduled, please plan for someone to go with you. You may not think you'll need that emotional support (Shonda and I certainly didn't think we needed it) but you will find it helpful. Do you bring your child with you? I did because she's older and in many ways more mature about some subject matter than others her age. Plus, I had already explained to my daughter about Aspergers and she understood. Shonda and Curt had yet to tell their son and he was younger. So, that decision is ultimately up to you, the parents. I strongly believe that both parents should go to these meetings, if at all possible. But, Mom, if you're it, take a friend. You'll be glad you did!
Blessings!
-Noble
Quotes are from "The Best Kind of Different" by Shonda Schilling, c. 2010, William Morrow, an imprint of Harper Collins Publishers.
I simply wanted to draw your attention to something: books relevant to our subject matter. For now, I've only read a few. Some I've found helpful, some not. I realize not all of us are avid readers. Some of us are bibliophobes - afraid of books. If that's the case, relax. I will probably read enough for all of us. And, please, by all means, if you've read a book that you think has been helpful in your journey with Aspergers, tell us about it here. I'd love to know!
The book I've read that's foremost in my mind right now is "The Best Kind of Different" by Shonda Schilling. Her husband Curt wrote the introduction. Although I find the book bunny-trailing quite a bit, Shonda has some very valid points. Even Curt, in the introduction, brought up something that resonated with me. He said, after finding out about his son having Aspergers, "...countless visions from eight years of chastising, punishing, yelling, and some spanking popped ino my head. I was overcome with an immediate and overwhelming sense of guilt..."
Yes, Curt, I completely understand. And my child is even older! She'll be 12 this summer! All the times I yelled at her, lost my patience, wondered if she would EVER be respectful and obedient to her parents came back to haunt my thoughts as I realized not only was I not understanding her, she certainly was not understanding me! Now, I know why but that doesn't mean I always 'get it' or get her or get me!
Shonda touches on going to the meeting where the professionals finally told her what exactly was 'different' about her child. (I'm assuming it was the school district's psychologist, occupational therapist, speech pathologist, and special education director, like it was for me.) She mentions that friends had offered to go with her for support since Curt was out of town with the baseball team and how she had politely declined, thinking she was prepared. Oh, how I can relate!
My own husband was supposed to go with me to attend the meeting for our own child. About 24 hours before the meeting he informs me that he will be unable to go with me. Great. Yet another thing I get to do (on.my.own.) as Mom. "Okay," I think to myself,"I'll take notes and talk to him about it later."
Let me just tell you that I was SO unprepared for how the emotion would hit me later. I should have taken a friend with me! Shonda talks about it hitting her while she's in the meeting. My own emotional overload hit much later. It was a mixture of angst, relief, confusion, rebellion, and probably a slew of other emotions. Even though I had planned to do some schooling with the kids that afternoon, I couldn't. I was too wrought with emotion. So I was glad to read that someone else had a similar experience to mine!
Have you been there yet?
If you've yet to go to that meeting, but it is scheduled, please plan for someone to go with you. You may not think you'll need that emotional support (Shonda and I certainly didn't think we needed it) but you will find it helpful. Do you bring your child with you? I did because she's older and in many ways more mature about some subject matter than others her age. Plus, I had already explained to my daughter about Aspergers and she understood. Shonda and Curt had yet to tell their son and he was younger. So, that decision is ultimately up to you, the parents. I strongly believe that both parents should go to these meetings, if at all possible. But, Mom, if you're it, take a friend. You'll be glad you did!
Blessings!
-Noble
Quotes are from "The Best Kind of Different" by Shonda Schilling, c. 2010, William Morrow, an imprint of Harper Collins Publishers.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Title and How this Blog Got Started
We're told that all the answers can be found in the Bible. Or maybe, more specifically, in Jesus. I believe this; truly, I do. But honestly, sometimes I'd like the Bible to be a little more specific. Like in our recent revelation that our daughter has Aspergers Syndrome. What do you do with that? And as I turned to God, reading through His Word, my thought was, "Where is "Asperger's" (or even "special needs" for that matter) listed in the Bible?
Then I thought, "I'm probably not the only one struggling with this." I then had the bright idea to write a book! (Mind you, this whole thought process took place TODAY, May 25, 2010.) Great idea? Yes. Except. Except I'm already in the middle of writing another book, totally off topic, with a few other ideas in the forerunning for books. So maybe, not such a great idea for me. Plus, it would take too long to get out amongst the people who really need the education, support, and information.
Therefore, I am now blogging. Go me! Actually, go YOU! If you're reading this it's for one of two reasons:
1) I pestered you with an email begging you to "Go See My New Blog"
OR
2) You heard about it from someone and are curious or really need to know you're not alone in the Aspergers journey, whether you be an Aspie, teacher, parent, friend, etc.
For whatever reason you're here, Welcome! I invite you on this journey, hopefully in a semi-realtime basis, as we discover, together, what we need to know about this very well kept secret that so many more people need to know about.
Oh yes, let's not forget about the 'dragons' in the title. I've always found them fascinating. In fact, I believe that the leviathan mentioned in the Book of Job (found just before the Book of Psalms in the Holy Bible) actually describes a dragon. And sometimes, I think Aspergers can be just as amazing and mystifying!
Welcome to the Journey!
-Noble
Then I thought, "I'm probably not the only one struggling with this." I then had the bright idea to write a book! (Mind you, this whole thought process took place TODAY, May 25, 2010.) Great idea? Yes. Except. Except I'm already in the middle of writing another book, totally off topic, with a few other ideas in the forerunning for books. So maybe, not such a great idea for me. Plus, it would take too long to get out amongst the people who really need the education, support, and information.
Therefore, I am now blogging. Go me! Actually, go YOU! If you're reading this it's for one of two reasons:
1) I pestered you with an email begging you to "Go See My New Blog"
OR
2) You heard about it from someone and are curious or really need to know you're not alone in the Aspergers journey, whether you be an Aspie, teacher, parent, friend, etc.
For whatever reason you're here, Welcome! I invite you on this journey, hopefully in a semi-realtime basis, as we discover, together, what we need to know about this very well kept secret that so many more people need to know about.
Oh yes, let's not forget about the 'dragons' in the title. I've always found them fascinating. In fact, I believe that the leviathan mentioned in the Book of Job (found just before the Book of Psalms in the Holy Bible) actually describes a dragon. And sometimes, I think Aspergers can be just as amazing and mystifying!
Welcome to the Journey!
-Noble
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