So many of us with special needs kiddos know the holidays, any of them with a change in routine and extra stimuli, can wreak havoc on our children's emotional status quo. Our house is no exception.
This past Sunday was the December Trifecta at our house. And I was at work.
The run down:
It was my daughter's first day of that time of the month. That alone is enough to derail her usually stable executive functioning (ability to deal with every day life). Thus, the first part of the trifecta.
The second part occurred when people (boys and girls) from her own youth group started to make fun of special needs folks. She handled it amazingly well when she explained to them how she is one of those folks. However, despite the fact that she pretty calmly explained it, and they were surprised that she was a part of the special needs community, one of them still had the audacity to tell her, "Don't get all booty hurt about it." Seriously? This is how a youth group peer treats another?
The third part happened, as I said, while I was at work. The rest of the family was at home and as instructions were given to do something, the tectonic plates shifted and the core inside my house evidently erupted into lava - lots of yelling, anger, confusion, you name it.
It's hard enough for my girl to deal with Aspergers on a day to day basis. Then you top it off with people who refuse to accept you as you are, think you're too sensitive, and won't listen to you when you try to explain what's going on. Honestly, I'm surprised she exploded. Usually, she implodes at times like this. But based on what was happening, had happened, during the day, I'm really not surprised it happened. I'm just sorry that it happened. Or am I?
I know that some of you deal with some very similar issues, if not the exact same dynamics. My hope and prayer is that we all learn from these experiences and help our kids learn from them, too. But more than just learning from them, I pray we can figure out how to help others who don't deal with this on a daily basis to understand this is OUR normal. And just because my normal looks different than yours doesn't mean it's not acceptable.
We see so many advertisements, hashtags, etc, asking for awareness of this, that, and the other. I'm pretty sure we're all AWARE of different challenges people have. Let's you and I break the mold and speak ACCEPTANCE of the differences in life's routines and challenges that special needs brings. And may we all teach each other how not to be hurtful but to be HELPFUL.
Merry Christmas, everyone! If you live with these challenges, don't let anyone make you feel bad for not attending their event. You know what you need to do for the mental health of your family. If you don't live with these challenges, don't be insulted because someone says they can't participate in your shindig. It has nothing to do with you. What DOES have to do with ALL of us is LOVE! Matthew 22:39
-Noble
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Black and White OR Red All Over!
While reading through some of my past blog posts, specifically one from 2012, I came across the reminder that our instructions to our children with Aspergers need to be black and white. Crystal clear. You'd think, after five years of knowing this is what's going on, and knowing I need to be extra clear on this, I'd give black and white instructions. And yet, I failed once more. Recently.
A couple of months back, my daughter was invited to spend the day on the lake with a youth group. She'd never done that before but was excited. As I've mentioned before, the water is her home. We made sure she had snacks, sunblock, the obligatory ratty clothes. I picked out the perfect shirt for her to take with her, thinking she would wear it over her swim suit while in the lake. What I neglected to do was tell her what I expected. So, you guessed it, she didn't wear it. And while she did have sunblock on and even put some on later, if you have ever spent all day in, on, or around a lake, even with sunblock, without a t-shirt, you FRY. She fried. And had the chills that night. And was tired the next day.
I hadn't planned on her going to church the next day, even though it was Sunday. That is something I learned awhile ago in this journey - ONE event per weekend and church counts as an event for the Aspie mind. So not only was she obviously in recovery mode, she had to deal with a sunburn on top of it. Well, experience is the best teacher and she won't soon be forgetting that lesson! Within a week we had bought her an actual swim shirt and she was thrilled. Found them at Costco and they had ONE in her size! I know that was God! The slowness in timing was mine, not His. His timing is always perfect; mine, not so much.
In all of this we learn, again, to be crystal clear in the instructions we give to our amazing Aspie children. We also learn that while we wonder if they will ever survive out in "the real world", away from Mom's and Dad's protection, we have these little tastes of how they'll react to similar experiences. Best they have those FIRST experiences and "oops" within the safety of a loving family
where they can be guided and talked through what follows. And that, my lovely parents, is quite an honor!
A couple of months back, my daughter was invited to spend the day on the lake with a youth group. She'd never done that before but was excited. As I've mentioned before, the water is her home. We made sure she had snacks, sunblock, the obligatory ratty clothes. I picked out the perfect shirt for her to take with her, thinking she would wear it over her swim suit while in the lake. What I neglected to do was tell her what I expected. So, you guessed it, she didn't wear it. And while she did have sunblock on and even put some on later, if you have ever spent all day in, on, or around a lake, even with sunblock, without a t-shirt, you FRY. She fried. And had the chills that night. And was tired the next day.
I hadn't planned on her going to church the next day, even though it was Sunday. That is something I learned awhile ago in this journey - ONE event per weekend and church counts as an event for the Aspie mind. So not only was she obviously in recovery mode, she had to deal with a sunburn on top of it. Well, experience is the best teacher and she won't soon be forgetting that lesson! Within a week we had bought her an actual swim shirt and she was thrilled. Found them at Costco and they had ONE in her size! I know that was God! The slowness in timing was mine, not His. His timing is always perfect; mine, not so much.
In all of this we learn, again, to be crystal clear in the instructions we give to our amazing Aspie children. We also learn that while we wonder if they will ever survive out in "the real world", away from Mom's and Dad's protection, we have these little tastes of how they'll react to similar experiences. Best they have those FIRST experiences and "oops" within the safety of a loving family
where they can be guided and talked through what follows. And that, my lovely parents, is quite an honor!
Monday, September 14, 2015
It seems my ability to be consistent in blogging is nonexistent. So there's that.
However, it doesn't mean I don't live with the highlights and lowlights (peaks and valleys?) of Aspergers every day.
This weekend the Aspie princess is on a beach trip with her youth group. This is a GOOD thing. My girl feels at home in and near the water, so the ocean is a good place for her to be. Do I worry? Not really. Water, even the ocean, really is her friend.
New this year for her is swimming with the local high school's swim team. She willingly goes to a a gruelling swim practice four days a week. Another first for this year is actual competitive swim meets. She's been swimming with a recreational swim team every summer for the past five or so summers. This fall she does actual timed events and uses the diving block.
About that first swim meet . . .
We did prepare her for it by talking about the noise, stimuli, etc. We forgot to talk about the confusion that might occur, at the exact time of the event, that might send her into a tailspin. And it did. She imploded and ran off to face the fence, cry, breathe . . .
And she came through it. Yes, we endured stares of other adults who didn't get it. Other teens who didn't get it. But you know what? I ignored them. I helped her. And when it was time for her to swim again, even though she was the last swimmer to come in, some of her swim team members cheered her in, and even some of the competitor team's members cheered for her! Yep, I cried. Tears come to my eyes even now, thinking about it.
So, do I worry about her at the Ocean? No. God has her and watches over her when I can't. I know He watches over her always. As He does you and me. He has given us unique and special children. Kids that would change our lives in ways we never thought possible. And for the better!
May you be encouraged, Mom and Dad, as you do your best each day to raise these unique kids. Is it easy? No. But is it a blessing? Absolutely! Consider yourself chosen - not everyone has the wherewithal to raise such interesting people!
-Noble
However, it doesn't mean I don't live with the highlights and lowlights (peaks and valleys?) of Aspergers every day.
This weekend the Aspie princess is on a beach trip with her youth group. This is a GOOD thing. My girl feels at home in and near the water, so the ocean is a good place for her to be. Do I worry? Not really. Water, even the ocean, really is her friend.
New this year for her is swimming with the local high school's swim team. She willingly goes to a a gruelling swim practice four days a week. Another first for this year is actual competitive swim meets. She's been swimming with a recreational swim team every summer for the past five or so summers. This fall she does actual timed events and uses the diving block.
About that first swim meet . . .
We did prepare her for it by talking about the noise, stimuli, etc. We forgot to talk about the confusion that might occur, at the exact time of the event, that might send her into a tailspin. And it did. She imploded and ran off to face the fence, cry, breathe . . .
And she came through it. Yes, we endured stares of other adults who didn't get it. Other teens who didn't get it. But you know what? I ignored them. I helped her. And when it was time for her to swim again, even though she was the last swimmer to come in, some of her swim team members cheered her in, and even some of the competitor team's members cheered for her! Yep, I cried. Tears come to my eyes even now, thinking about it.
So, do I worry about her at the Ocean? No. God has her and watches over her when I can't. I know He watches over her always. As He does you and me. He has given us unique and special children. Kids that would change our lives in ways we never thought possible. And for the better!
May you be encouraged, Mom and Dad, as you do your best each day to raise these unique kids. Is it easy? No. But is it a blessing? Absolutely! Consider yourself chosen - not everyone has the wherewithal to raise such interesting people!
-Noble
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