Pace, Interrupted

I'm sure you all at one time have been frustrated by having to slow down in order to actually accomplish something, instead of speeding up. This is often true of our special needs kids. And while we know this in our head, it can be frustrating when we don't totally embrace their speed of learning. But this is one of the reasons we homeschool, right? So why do we expect them to go at a 'normal' (which probably could be read as 'public school') pace?

The last few months have given me some insight into how my Aspie daughter actually FEELS when life gets so big for her she MUST slow down.  Allow me to explain.

When my daughter is faced with a FULL production week: at least three 3-4 hour dress rehearsals followed by 2-4 performances over a six day span, more often than not, I do not require, nor do I expect, her to make it to church that Sunday. Someone once said to me, "Well, what time does the last show get over on Saturday?" as if it was that one show that was throwing her. I explained it wasn't just the one show, it was having to be ON all week. And again, I knew this intellectually but I didn't really get a feel for it on a cellular level until I was in a show of my own. That's when my pace, and my perception of my daughter's pace, was interrupted.

A few months back I auditioned for and was cast in a community theatre production. I have been in theatre productions before but the last one was several years ago. I enjoyed the weekly rehearsals and the camaraderie our cast had. Tech Week (aka Production Week) was literally three 4 hour dress rehearsals followed by three days of performances. Saturday was the longest day by far because it was an earlier show AND we were required to strike set and help clean up afterwards. Our shows averaged about 2.5 hours each time. So my Saturday looked like this:

Noon Call Time ( the time you have to get there to prepare: get costumed, makeup on, mic check, etc)
    I arrived around 11am, which means I ate 'lunch' around 10:30am.

2pm Curtain call

4:30pm Show ends
              Greet guests
              Turn in microphone, change into civilian clothes
               Help strike set and clean up
6pm      Leave to go join rest of cast at restaurant to finally EAT.

So, basically my Saturday was 7 straight hours on my feet, more or less,
   after a full week. Oh, and I should mention, I'm a very 'last minute' type of person, so that
   Monday I decided I would make gifts for each member of the cast. I worked on those while not at
   rehearsal.

By Sunday, I was toast. But I still went to church. Not sure why, because during Sunday School I couldn't pay attention and during service, I took a nap in the car. I was SO tired, physically and mentally. And I don't have Aspergers. I now have a fair, yet very small glimpse, into what my daughter experiences during extreme times such as this.

My other 'ah-ha' moment occurred this week. Because I'm a glutton for punishment, or just addicted to learning, I am taking a couple of free, yet intensive classes on coursera.org  One of these classes is Calculus. No, I don't want to take Calculus, and no, I'm not good at advanced math. It is simply a stepping stone to another course I want to take.  So as I stumble along in this course, I realize I am not going to meet the assignment and quiz deadlines.  Thankfully, this class let's you turn the deadlines off. When I went to do that, it reminds me that most students do much better when deadlines are set and met. I agree. But I also had to admit that I could not meet the pace those deadlines would require of me. I had to admit to myself that I would and could still work on the course material, it would just take me a little longer than the rest. And that's okay.

Have you ever worried that your special kiddo isn't going to 'graduate on time'? Ever fretted he/she wouldn't finish a subject 'on time'? I have. But you know what? Ask yourself this: is your child taking this course, using that curriculum, to 'finish on time' or to actually LEARN the material?

Most of us homeschool our special needs kiddos partly, if not wholly, so they CAN learn. Not so they can meet a slate of cookie cutter deadlines.

When will I learn?

There is a Scripture verse in which the writer states when he was a child, he acted as a child; now that he is grown, he has left childish ways behind him.  (1 Corinthians 13:11) Today I'm wondering if I will ever get out of thinking like a child. What I mean by that is, while I am now a mom and have been for over seventeen years, I still don't "feel old enough" to be one and I'm certainly at a loss when it comes to what I call my daughter's Autism Days. Those are the days when absolutely nothing is going right in her world, and most likely won't, until the day is over and done with. It's like her specially wired brain short-circuits on those days and I don't know how to flip the switch or even know where the fuse box is!

This past weekend was a busy one; especially for my not disordered but differently ordered child. Sunday was a trip with her dad to the Arabian Horse Show. Monday was President's Day so Dad was not at work but at home and Monday afternoon was theatre class. Oh, and Monday was the first day of THAT time of the month for her. None of the first three things would be too much of a difference on their own but all three combined plus the fourth - I just think I should have seen this coming.
And yet, the part that still wants to 'fit in' with the world (be on someone else's timetable for accomplished work) pushed the academics today. Did that go well? I think you already know the answer to that.

I get frustrated because we're behind. At least, according to the standard (public school) schedule. But are my kids really behind? They know how to wash dishes, clean laundry, sweep and mop the floors. They know how to carry on an intelligible conversation with adults. They know how to read and write. They both know Jesus! That trumps everything.

So, where am I going with this spiel? To remind myself, and hopefully encourage others, that these days exist. Even if it's been weeks, maybe even months, since an Autism Day has showed up in all it's ugly-side glory!(note: I'm not saying Autism is all ugly. It's not. It just has its days.) These days will show up. So why am I surprised by them? I don't know.

What I do know is this: we are, ALL OF US, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).
God is not surprised by anything we go through. And He can handle all our anxiety, even from our Aspie kids! 1 Peter 5:7

May YOU be encouraged that you are not alone in any of this!  Isaiah 40:31

-Noble