Time

It's been over a YEAR since I've posted here! I am so sorry! And I have no good reason to give you. Here this blog is supposed to help all of you as you traverse this strange trail called Aspergers and I've been MIA.

Since I last posted, I know the DSM (the manual that categorizes psychological disorders et al.) has removed the diagnosis (dx) of Aspergers and just lumped it into the Autism category. Autism is such a wide spectrum, though, isn't it? One person can say, "My child has autism" and they could mean anything from non-verbal to has what looks like two-year-old meltdowns even though they're fifteen!

I don't know about you but my journey on this trail has made me much more aware of how people are really doing than how I perceive they might be doing. For example, I've noticed more that when cashiers look mad and distant at the store, they're usually just not feeling well. Or if my son, who is gifted (and that's a whole other set of issues, right there!) says he cannot do something (such as a school assignment right that moment) he literally might not be able to even though I might think he can!

This school year my daughter has started her freshman year of high school. What I've learned since the beginning is she's not as independent at her work as I think she should be, she may not graduate in the expected four year time frame, and while she does have a mind for science, her high school level biology course is taking a lot out of her. Not only that but there are gaps missing in her math, so we will probably be backing her up a bit in that.

Now, if I were to be worrying about mankind's opinion about all this, I would probably stress myself out even more than I was earlier this year  (2014)when I landed in the Emergency Room more than once due to stress! However, I remind myself it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I need to do what's right by my daughter. If we've identified some gaps in her education, we can back up and get her to where she needs to be before moving on. THAT's what is important! That and letting her know, daily, that her parents love her, and most importantly, GOD loves her!

Time is fleeting, the Bible says, and we've all seen the truth of that! Regardless of what anyone else, who isn't traversing the journey you're on, thinks, you the concerned and involved parent, need to follow your gut and get the services and/or diagnoses you believe your child needs, whether she is 4 or 24.  We do our kids no favors by trying to get them to "keep up with their peers" when they just aren't ready. Use your time wisely, moms and dads! Your kiddos will most likely only be with you for a little while longer before life happens and you wonder why your house is so quiet! (I'm not there yet, either, but I keep hearing that's what happens!)

Peace and blessings to you!

-Noble

Forgive me?

How are you? Have you been having a good summer? Great summer? Terrible summer?
I've been thinking for awhile that I need to visit here and update the blog. I had NO idea that
I hadn't been here since April! So, I ask your forgiveness.

Yep, if I were you, I might roll my eyes, too, or think, "You know she's going to do this again",
etc. And you're both justified and correct. However, remember this blog is not really about you or
me but about facing and dealing with the challenges of Asperger's Syndrome. So please don't let
my faults keep you away from occasional good information!

Speaking of forgiveness, do you sometimes find it difficult to forgive the Aspie in your life? When the Aspie in your life has a meltdown do you ever think (and I know you do!), "Again? Why can't they CONTROL it? What is it THIS time?" Or the Aspie in your life does something that you think they should KNOW not to do? And then when it's pointed out that their action was wrong, they either shrug or don't do anything, including saying they're sorry. Annoying, isn't it?

Remember, Asperger's Syndrome is a different order, a different wiring of the brain, not necessarily a disorder. So, the answers to the above questions are: yes, again. No, he/she probably cannot control the meltdown. They may not even know what caused it. And one of the best explanations I heard as to why they don't say they're sorry:

     "If they did it on accident and you know it was an accident, why should they have to say they're sorry?
      If they did it on purpose, then they're not sorry, so why should they have to say they're sorry?"

Most of us know that it's polite to say you're sorry. The Aspie in your life may not yet know that or may simply need reminding. Or it may never make sense to them and they won't ever say they're sorry. We must be forgiving. Don't fault your Aspie for the different wiring of his/her brain. God has a plan for him/her using just the brain he gave him/her. And the result of that plan may very well surprise you!

As for those of us who are neurotypical (aka, erroneously, normal), perhaps the Aspie in our life will some day see fit to forgive us for our difficulty in accepting someone whose brain is wired differently!

Again??

She had a meltdown this morning. Again. I had to decide what to do. Again. I wondered WHAT to do. Again. Do you ever feel like this? Like you have to tread on eggshells. Again. Or you must remember to be as literal as possible. Again. My daughter is 13. She's already hit puberty, hormones and all. Thus, I've also had to teach her the finer points of shaving. She's been shaving for over a year now. Last night I told her to shave her legs and arms when she took her shower. She agreed to shave her legs and then said, "I don't know how to shave my arms. You never showed me how.". It took me a minute to figure out that while I was thinking 'under arms' my daughter was thinking of her literal entire arm! Needed to think in black and white terms. Again. This morning, while I know she is very tired, I did make sure to give her a literal time for when I wanted her to do something. Well, evidently that's not good enough for when your Aspie child is completely exhausted. We had a meltdown. Again. I wonder I'd I'll ever have a moment where I don't have to think "Again??" with her but whether or not I do, God evidently gave this child to ME, and my husband, for a reason. And so I take heart in the Scriptures that encourage us to: "Do not grow weary in doing good" And "Come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Along with "In this world you will have trouble but take heart for I have overcome the world." So, even if I have to deal with another meltdown, again, or wonder what to do, again, I know that the God of the Universe understands and He has put you here as well. We are not alone in this! We have each other. So, welcome, friends! Be strong and courageous! And when you can't be strong on your own, lean on Him. He can handle anything you throw His way. -Noble

I've been distract . . .oh, why is my desk so dusty . . .

Bunny trails. Familiar with those? You begin with matching your loose socks together and discover one that belongs to your son. You go to put it in his drawer and notice his dirty clothes on the floor, so you decide to start the laundry. Then you remember the baseball uniform needs to be washed because pictures are tomorrow. Oh, that's right, you're supposed to bring a snack. So now you go to the grocery store. But before you go to the store, do you need things for dinner? Oh, and don't forget the coupons! etc, etc, etc.

We all get distracted and evidently I've been distracted for over two months now since I haven't posted a single thing here. Oops.

Yep, you're right, I did make a promise a few months back and have failed miserably in keeping that promise. Part of the problem is that I get so distracted. What about your unique child? Do they struggle with distraction? Or maybe they're not "distracted" necessarily because they're hyperfocused on something. Drives you nuts when they don't hear you, doesn't it?

Remember, these kids are Aspergers kids. Their brains are wired differently. We need to remember that getting impatient and upset when they don't respond to us in the way WE think they should does no one any good and will probably just make the situation worse. Take a deep breath, Mom and Dad, and think about ways to interact with your kid that you know WILL work. Don't know what will work? Well, stop whatever you're doing now that isn't working and try something different. Remember, your Aspie child is equally frustrated but they need your help. So please help.

-Noble

It's December?! Overwhelmed!

Please forgive me. Again. For once again I have been remiss in my responsibility of updating my blog. Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with everything that you just do nothing? Or you think, "I know, I know it needs to be done, I'll get to it a little later" and then it doesn't get done? I think that's what happened to me. There are times when it seems I have SO much facing me on the
"to do" list, I just get completely overwhelmed and don't do anything!

Are your Aspies like that? Do you give them a task or two or three to do and nothing gets done? You wonder why a task that should have taken 5 minutes is now taking an hour and a half or more because you have to stand there right next to your child to make sure it actually gets done. Then you get frustrated, you get impatient, and you YELL!!! Hmmm. That didn't work either, did it?

A couple of months back I couldn't understand why my 13yo Aspie daughter broke down when I told her to do a simple Language Arts assignment. Now, I realize that LA is probably her weakest academic area but this was something simple. Hmmm. Simple. Yes, it was simple. But not to an Aspie who had anactivityFridaySaturdaySundayandplayedwithfriendsandactivityonMondaytoo!

Hard to read? Yes. Read it s-l-o-w-l-y. I reckon the first time you looked at or even tried to read that string of words you felt an inner wall go up, you thought,"What?? That doesn't make any sense!" and you felt overwhelmed. Right?

Multiply that feeling by 10, 20, 30, maybe even a thousand, and that's how it seems to be for an Aspie on an almost daily basis at key moments.

I urge you, Dear Parent Friend, when you're Aspie begins to melt down or to go into what I call "shutdown mode", remember those times you have felt overwhelmed. Can you imagine having to face that feeling practically every day and not know exactly what to do about it?

Our children look to us for training or guidance (yes, really,they do! I promise!). Let's not berate them when they feel helpless.

I Peter 5:7 states "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Proverbs 3:5-6 states "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

May we both let those two passages of Scripture be an encouragement to us when we're anxious and don't have any clue as to what to do with or for our differently-wired children!

-Noble

Summer (Change of ) Routine

Hello! Your sporadic blogger here!

Since the summer is upon us and most of our kids are out of/done with school for the summer, I've been thinking about how I'm going to keep my Aspie daugher "on a routine". She does not do well when left to her own devices for the whole day. The first two weeks we will be occupying the kids with VBS (Vacation Bible School) and swim lessons, followed by lunch and a quiet time. By the time that is over each day it will be around 2 or 3pm. Then I'll be working on a project with my dd for at least an hour each day leaving her about an hour or so of free time before dinner and maybe an hour afterwards.

How do you keep your Asperger's kiddo on a routine in the summer?

Woefully Unreliable

Talking about me, here. I promised you that I would post something at least once a week and I have not. I do apologize. This past Sunday we had a guest pastor at church. His message topic was: Temptation. A big part of temptation comes from within. Wow. Ouch. Therefore, temptation from within my own self has pulled me to focus my attention on other things instead of this blog. That being said, do you think that our kiddos (or spouses) with Asperger's Syndrome are more prone to temptation than the rest of us, given that they can be so focused on ONE thing for a long period of time? And because it often seems that they are only interested in what they WANT to focus on?

What are your thoughts on this?

Look up a Scripture verse this week that talks about temptation and come back and tell me what you learned from it. I'll do it, too.

Blessings!

-Noble