Anyone who has a kiddo with Asperger's Syndrome knows that while our Aspies like their routine and schedules their meltdowns seem to occur at random times and, sometimes, for random reasons. My husband is quick to say that it's blatant disobedience and that our daughter is "playing the sympathy card." He may be right but I don't see it that way.
I do believe there is a deeply rooted issue of disobedience in all of us, regardless of our various issues or neuroses. However, I also believe that you must tailor the discipline of that disobedience to the individual. My husband's response is to immediately get frustrated and yell. Yeah, that helps. I will admit that used to be my response, too, and sadly sometimes still is. Yet I know that our daughter is wired differently so shouldn't I also know that my response must be different? Yes, I should and I do. But not always.
What do you do when you realize your response to your Aspie's meltdown or other bizarre behavior is simply ineffective? Or when responding a certain way has worked before but not this time around?
One day when the kids and I were all yelling at each other and couldn't seem to stop, I ran downstairs, dropped to my knees, and literally cried to the LORD for help. As I opened my Bible the first passage I saw was Proverbs 15. I read the first verse and then tried to read on. I couldn't concentrate on anything but that first verse: Proverbs 15:1
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Ouch. What had we just been doing to each other? Yelling. In anger. Not being gentle at all. I literally was stuck on that verse and could not read on. Then I stood up, picked up the white board and wrote that verse on it. Then I called the kids down, showed them that verse, and made us all read it together.
The point of this is that we all get frustrated and angry. For a myriad reasons. We often choose disobedience. All of us. (When was the last time you spent some quiet time reading Scripture?) We will and often do respond inappropriately. When that happens, as it inevitably will with special needs kiddos, turn to the LORD, in prayer and humility. For that is our first act of obedience: to acknowledge that we need Him. Thank Him for your life. You wouldn't be here without Him. Praise Him for Who He is. Then ask for His help and guidance. In answer, you may get stuck on a single Bible verse but it will be exactly the one you need.
Blessings!
-Noble
Monday, April 11, 2011
3 comments:
This blog is simply my attempt to encourage and support those who find themselves suddenly on the journey through Aspergers. Please be supportive of everyone. If you just need to vent your frustration, please let us know that's what you're doing. HOWEVER, NO FOUL LANGUAGE OR MISUSE OF THE LORD'S NAME WILL BE TOLERATED.
Thank you for your understanding.
-Noble
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Loved this! Sounds just like my family! I can't wait to share this with my DH. It was just what I needed! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNoble, I had no idea that dd was diagnosed. I found what you said about disobedience interesting. I guess, I would think that regardless of autism or not, learning self control must be taught. It may just take much more practice with an autistic person.
ReplyDeleteFinding out if the action is really willful disobedience (disobeying when you know you are disobeying) is such the key. Handling the w.d. with previously explained consequences before I get to the frustrated point, helps get me thru to my non-aspi kids. It's a much better day when I can do that instead of letting my emotions take over.
Home schooling my kids has been a very humbling experience for me. My kids are a mirror of me and sometimes I really feel ashamed at what I see. I thank God for His grace and we have each learned about kindness, love and forgiveness.
I did it and got stuck on 1 Peter 2:18: "Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel."
ReplyDelete